I feel really helpless at times, and I feel like I cant even help the person I love the most. Im not sure if she just wont let me, but I try, and will continue to try even harder.

I feel helpless, I have no job, and Im just really feeling low right now....

Unemployment is a drag....

The fact that Ive been in Jacksonville now almost 2 months and have yet to find a job is really starting to get to me. I understand that the economy has been in the shitter for sometime now, but when will I get a break? I fill out applications, and just continue to get the run-around. I am to the point where I will take absolutely anything, its sad, but thats how I feel. I decided to take this semester off, move to Jacksonville, work and start school back up in May, but since I dont have a job, I feel like Im not doing anything, and I cant stand that feeling. Especially when everyone around me is doing something weather is be work or school. I couldnt complain about anything else in my life, but I feel like I would be 100% happy is I just had a job, but thats obvious.

In other news, Harvest for Hope Fest is next weekend in St Augustine and Im extremely excited to go. Also, I am going to New York City with Jahaira in late April, thats if I can find a job beforehand :/

Jacksonville has been good to me....

Its been a little while since I've posted an update, but it always is isn't it. Lets see....I moved up to Jacksonville the first weekend in January. New year, new things right? I lived here in 2005 and 2006, and had a lot of fun times, and a lot of bad times. So why did I move back? Well, I felt my previous location was holding me down and didn't have much to offer. I had been down there for 2 and a half years, and being a military brat my whole life, I wanted new things, new places, and new people. I still surround myself with a few of my old friends up here though (a few is all I need). I still haven't found employment though, which has been a HUGE drag. But in all other areas of my life I am happy, so I try not to let it bother me. I can honestly say I am happier now than I have been in years, I'm out on my own, doing my own thing, over-coming and pushing ahead. I met someone who is so wonderful to me and is quickly becoming my best friend (besides my girlfriend), her name is Jahaira and there's a few pictures of us below. More to come later, and I swear swear swear to update more.

ps- im finally putting out Death is the Answer Volume 1 this spring. It will be a zine of my short stories, along with a few other writes TBA. There will be 50 copies made, and you can either get one from me or at local shows in Jacksonville.

"I used to think it was all me
But I heard things aren't as well as they used to be
Our smoke sessions stopped
'Cause that's how you said it had to be"

Ive been slacking, but 2008 is almost over. Im moving to Jacksonville this weekend, and I couldnt be any happier. Im going to update more once I move up there and get settled, but here are my top albums of 2008, in no particular order:

burning star core- challenger
crime in stereo- selective wreckage
coldplay- viva la vida
thursday/envy split
lil wayne- tha carter 3
torche- meanderthal
black mountain- in the future
cold cave- the trees grew emotions and died
have heart- songs to scream at the sun
murder by death- red of tooth and claw
crystal castles- s/t
prurient- cocaine death
boris- smile
mika miko- sex jazz 7"

im going to be in the bahamas all week, so excited. pictures to follow.

working like crazy
will write more when i have a day off (friday)
i move to jacksonville in a month.

So today was thanksgiving. It consisted of (as it does every year) lots and lots of food, and beer and football. My mom makes the absolute best yams, and I look forward to it every year. We all sat down as a family and realized that all 3 of us kids wont be living at home next year, which in turn made my mom tear up. I really do love my family (even though I may not get along with them all the time.) They are the only people that have stayed through me through the darkest times in my life. This time 3 years ago I was spending my thanksgiving in a room with about 50 other guys who were just as pissed as I was. We ate a shitty meal and then I proceeded to watch about 10 dudes beat the living shit out of each other. Im thankful of where I am this year, and not where I have been. Im also thankful that Ive grown up and matured tremendously since 2005. I was a punk kid who wanted everything handed to him and not have to work for anything. I have goals now, I know what I want in life and I know where I want to be. Im not 100% "there" and I wont be for a few years, but life itself has definitely been worse, so I cant complain.

My uncle was in town from Washington DC, and here are some pictures of my family and I from today:


my brother, my sister, me and buster


my uncle, my mom, and my dad


My family. im posing for some reason, my mom isnt paying attention, and my brother is not really that tall.